Smoke Cooked Heart

thats what I've been done by her.....Jacob, Someone else...& what crap....do I deserve all this after all that i've done...am I asking for a payback? Am I asking for returns..or is this the payback for my sins..feel like killing myself ..but can't i live without her... i can..but not without much difficulty

Fucked again..all over again

Just 5 days into the month & poof! Salary - 0 (read ZERO, nada, zilch)..Been fucked & feeling down under since..aa..forever?

No matter how many expense sheets I conjure or meals I avoid...it all ends up with one thing & one thing only;
 Feeling SHIT, NEGATIVE, LOSER LIKE, CHUTYA, SHIT-BROKE, BHADVA & all that...


When & When.. I would ask supreme mother & dad that when would my suffering end..on an open road..but now that I've got a car (or used to have one) i miss those days. Feel like a bastard stepchild in a well-to-do surrounding. Lets see..One thing is sure...She deserves better much better...so either I Step-up or Let-go, I have no right to make her share my suffering. Do love her a lot & willing to lay my life for her or take one if need be..but then life does = Money..Money is superior to life & all those worldly things..HAH..writing my thoughts make me feel good...bollocks...crap..Biggest Coward..that's what I am..LOL fuck you all...& damn me to the depts of hell... @ Satan: stay the beep outta my mind & body..gimme money now but take my soul..it's as worthless as this life..& i promise you..i'll work twice as hard than the other damned ones.


@ Almighty: I'll do all the lowest Jobs in heaven if she's gonna be there..& if she is not...I want to trade..I'll do all the dirty work..but let her be in peace..I know - you don't need me either ways..you know what I know if I do good..but yeah..you have needy people to look out for..what's a **** like me to you...


@ Satan & Almighty: Resptecpa to y'all but either you're there or  not there...


CIAO Then...

Gutter Trip!!!

I am going in the gutter - why ? cause I listen to Goth Rock..That's a first... Here people next cubicle are going GOA with their fuckin halves..to have a blast ..& here I'm going in the gutter, she says !!! .. LOL

It had to be me

It's been close to 2 years now, it's the same old thing.. & today yet again, I was shown my place...It's the curse that i'll have to live with..the punishment for hitting and abusing my parents..& since there is nothing to repent..I accept my fate..

But I will not be put down...I will & if I have to..make pact with the devil himselff... I will trade my soul for the good of my people...